How To Shoot a Jump Shot

December 30th, 2009 by Eric Myer Mustin Leave a reply »

Don’t practice.  Bend your knees violently and sporadically.  Be off-balance. Un-tuck your elbows.  Don’t warm up.

Wear a headband.  Wear a sleeveless shirt, preferably with a number on the back.  Shout phrases that you imagine good shooters would shout.


Shoot at every occasion in games.  Jump as high as possible, regardless of the situation. Take irregular angles to the basket.  Tangle your feet.  Fall awkwardly.

Hydrate sparingly.  Ingest large quantities of salt.  Don’t stretch.  Take beef jerky breaks regularly.

Call fouls.  Make exaggerated grimaces and grunts after every action.  Hold the ball a few feet behind the three-point arc and point to random places on the court where you want your teammates to go. Pump fake excessively.  Demand picks.  Double clutch for effect.

Invest in expensive sneakers.  Wear mesh shorts in inappropriate situations, like first dates, business meetings, and funerals.  Shout phrases tha ...

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