How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Austin Rivers

May 12th, 2015 by Dan Carson Leave a reply »

I realized the end times were upon us when Austin Rivers began taunting one of the world's best basketball players.

It was the third quarter of Game 3, and the Los Angeles Clippers were smacking a Houston Rockets team into further oblivion.

Rivers had just Cloroxed a prewashed Jason Terry with a single jab step, and after lacing a 28-footer in Terry's face, he turned to the Staples Center crowd and asserted his newfound status as its one and only god with a James Harden wrist stir.

This was it—the moment I realized the end is near, and until the mushroom clouds blossom on the horizon, I will live in a reality where Austin Rivers can rightfully clown on one of the league's leading scorers and match him point-for-point.

It was weird thing to consider even as an observer with no stake in the result. Like many other NBA sociopaths, I tuned in to the Clippers-Rockets series for the irony—to watch Austin Rivers attack the lane like a newborn deer in Heelys as he tries desperately to fill the shoes of an injured Chr ...

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