Author Archive

Samaki Walker Opens Up About Time Kobe Bryant Punched Him in the Face over $100

January 26th, 2016
It didn't take much for young Kobe Bryant to give you the mitts.Standing in stark contrast to the poem-penning, sensei-meditating-amid-the-bamboo aura of Vino Bryant, the younger, dumber Kobe was just that—a kid out of high school who hadn't learned the finer points of conflict resolution.Young Bryant had hair and ran and tangled ...

Nick Young’s Son Plays 1st Organized Basketball Game, Promptly Gets Buckets

January 11th, 2016
Being Nick Young's child seems like a cushy gig.You get a cool haircut. Your dad only gets mad at marine mammals. You're not named "Chosen," so your chance at happiness isn't immediately snuffed from the get-go.The only real expectation for Nick Jr. is to uphold the Swag family oath to ...

Mock Documentary Chases Down Knicks Fans Who Booed Kristaps Porzingis at Draft

January 7th, 2016
A lot of people booed when the New York Knicks took Kristaps Porzingis with the fourth overall pick of the 2015 NBA draft.I don't have a precise figure, but a rough estimate would include approximately every Knicks fan present at the Barclays Center that night in June.Since then, the 20-year-old ...

Russell Westbrook Says He’s Cooling It with Technicals, Kevin Durant Disagrees

December 29th, 2015
Russell Westbrook is mostly anger.I mean that in a good, natural way—like how the normal human body is mostly water.In Westbrook's case, in lieu of water, the majority of his physiological makeup is hatred for people who are in front of him on a basketball court. It's what makes Westbrook ...

Boban Marjanovic’s Giant Paws Will Make Your Hands Look Like a Child’s

December 29th, 2015
I can't find any physical specs for Andrew Monaco, but I can tell you this: He is a grown man.And as a grown man, the San Antonio Spurs sideline reporter probably becomes very aware of certain things when shaking another man's hand—specifically, his own hand's size, temperature and grip strength ...

Jaromir Jagr Gets Teeth Knocked Out by High Stick, Asks Santa for Replacements

December 23rd, 2015
If you play hockey for several millennia like Jaromir Jagr has, you're inevitably going to lose some chiclets.This is just how it goes, and while losing teeth is a horrifying experience for most people, Jagr proved it doesn't have to be a huge deal. Or even a deal at all.The ...

Washington Capitals Make Painfully Awkward Spoof of ‘A Christmas Story’

December 16th, 2015
They make a video every year, and it's never anything less than uncomfortable and weird. But that's the Washington Capitals' Christmas tradition: strange, strange holiday cheer. And Alexander Ovechkin cheesing.This year the target was A Christmas Story, which the Capitals spoofed into "A Capitals Story." I'll let you judge the results.All I'll ...

Carolina Hurricanes Might Not Understand the Implications of ‘Netflix and Chill’

December 9th, 2015
You've barely touched the "n" on your screen and Siri already knows it's going down."Netflix and chill?"The phone finishes it for you, because it knows you, and it knows that what comes next is you putting on sweatpants, heading to her place and seeing how many minutes into Scandal it'll take until ...

Chinese Students Make Giant Kobe Bryant Mural in the Snow

December 8th, 2015
Kobe Bryant snow mural? Kobe Bryant snow mural.Indeed, students in the Chinese province of Jilin have banded together to carve out Bryant's likeness on one of their school's snow-covered basketball courts to honor the Los Angeles Lakers star after the announcement of his upcoming retirement.China Xinhua News (h/t SB Nation's ...

Warriors Fan Hits 3-Pointer During TO Break, Gives Lakers the Throat Slash

November 25th, 2015
If you missed the Golden State Warriors' steamrolling of the Los Angeles Lakers on Tuesday night, you've come to the right place.I say this because I can't think of a quicker way to recap the Warriors' throttling of the Lakers and making NBA history than showing you some random dude ...