The Entire City Of Cleveland To Leave Ohio For Miami (Satire)

July 9th, 2010 by The Sports Comedian Leave a reply »


"LeBron, we're coming too," began a second letter from Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert.

Only hours after he sent a scathing personal letter to fans of the Cavs and media outlets, telling LeBron James how he let down the organization and his home, Gilbert announced the entire city has had a change of heart and will be relocating with him to Miami.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier! You are so right, this place is a stinking cesspool of filth! We don't want to be here either," he continued. "Today we had a big talk in the center of the city, all 2,250,871 of us, and we agree that it's time we moved on. This land in Northern Ohio has been good to us, but we can do bigger and better things in South Florida. I hear they have women down there that wear bikinis all year long! And they have women who aren't from Ohio, and hence one would actually want to see in a bikini!"

The residents of Cleveland seem to be genuinely excited about the move. Many began packing up the skyscrapers today, to begin transporting them all the way down to Miami. They are looking forward to the beaches, Latin food, and the lack of state taxes.
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