A Letter To LeBron James

May 16th, 2010 by Brad Danker Leave a reply »
Dear LeBron,

You must be heartbroken over the loss.

It looks like you won’t be winning a title in Cleveland. You won’t be winning one in New York either, but, at least they have better pizza there.

Actually, I am writing this to thank you. Just as I predicated, when the playoff lights got bright, you melted under pressure. I saw vintage LeBron, right on cue.

You were dribbling the ball off your foot, biting your fingernails incessantly, settling for long jumpshots, and turning the ball over. All the while, a washed-up team of three old men, a guy named Rajon (the same name as my butler, by the way,) and a obese Big Baby, took you and your Cavs to school.

Two of 17 from beyond the arc in your four Cavalier losses?

Only taking three shots in the final eight minutes last night and looking gassed down the stretch?

You weren’t LeBron James. You were Kevin James.

I saw through the contrived chalk-toss, the No. 23 jersey, and the inflated ego and entitlement.

If you owned Jordan’s kill-or-be-killed chromosome, or Bird’s leadership chromosome, we would have seen it ...

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